You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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