Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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