Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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