never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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