There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
