Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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