Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
