yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
