Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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