yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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