there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
