Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
