4 words: hood of his car
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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