11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
