He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
