it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So vagazzling was a success
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
