I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
