he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
