I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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