just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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