she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
