if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
