Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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