Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
