So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
organizing the empties. That sober.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize