1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
