I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it hurts more in the daytime
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
