ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
