a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
