i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
