It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
