It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
