my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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