dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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