it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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