Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
