and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
