Got a toothbrush?
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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