you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
