If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
