Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
