textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
