thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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