Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
