Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
