5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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