cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
