Sry I called you an 8
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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