the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
