I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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