I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am one with the molecules
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
