Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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