so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize