We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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