And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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