Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
