...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
