Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize