allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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