Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
