He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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