I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My life is pants optional.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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