Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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