fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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