My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
