Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize