I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize