Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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