It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
