While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
