I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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