All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
