I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
