the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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