Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
