don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
