I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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