That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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