And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
