shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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