I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
