dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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