Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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