She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
