it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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