I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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