your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
